31
Show Posts
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
33
General UO Chat / Selling to NPC's
« on: February 26, 2013, 11:37:00 AM »
I am trying to sell alot of an item to NPC's. I am looking for ideas how to sell them fast. I can write a script to pick up 400 boards and sell them to a NPC and was a repeat but looking for a better way to do this. Can you sell bulk deeds ok boards to NPC's or is there another way I should be looking at this? All help appreciated.
34
Jokes! / Getting Married
« on: February 12, 2013, 03:10:41 PM »
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her
questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral
director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few
moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that
she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and
now - in her 80's - a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
(Wait for it)
She smiled and explained,
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
LOL!!!!
questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral
director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few
moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that
she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and
now - in her 80's - a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
(Wait for it)
She smiled and explained,
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
LOL!!!!
35
Jokes! / Why men are never depressed !!
« on: February 05, 2013, 02:36:41 PM »
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and can handle it .... and to the men who will enjoy reading it
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and can handle it .... and to the men who will enjoy reading it
37
>>>>A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when
>>>> suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust
>>>>
>>>> The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes , RayBan
>>>> sunglasses
>>>> and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you
>>>> exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give
>>>> me a
>>>> calf?"
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
>>>> grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
>>>>
>>>> The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects
>>>> it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone , and surfs to a NASApage on the
>>>> Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
>>>> location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
>>>> area in
>>>> an
>>>> ultra-high-resolution photo.
>>>>
>>>> The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshopand exports
>>>> it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
>>>>
>>>> Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
>>>> has
>>>> been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database
>>>> through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his
>>>> Blackberry and,
>>>> after a few minutes, receives a response.
>>>>
>>>> Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
>>>> miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You
>>>> have
>>>> exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
>>>>
>>>> "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
>>>>
>>>> He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with
>>>> amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
>>>>
>>>> Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
>>>> your
>>>> business is, will you give me back my calf?"
>>>>
>>>> The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
>>>> not?"
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> "You're an aide in the Obama Administration", says Bud.
>>>>
>>>> "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
>>>>
>>>> "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
>>>> though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
>>>> knew, to
>>>> a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
>>>> equipment
>>>> trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a
>>>> thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that
>>>> matter. This is a herd of sheep. ...
>>>>
>>>> Now give me back my dog."
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>
>
>
>>>> suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust
>>>>
>>>> The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes , RayBan
>>>> sunglasses
>>>> and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you
>>>> exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give
>>>> me a
>>>> calf?"
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
>>>> grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
>>>>
>>>> The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects
>>>> it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone , and surfs to a NASApage on the
>>>> Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
>>>> location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
>>>> area in
>>>> an
>>>> ultra-high-resolution photo.
>>>>
>>>> The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshopand exports
>>>> it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
>>>>
>>>> Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
>>>> has
>>>> been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database
>>>> through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his
>>>> Blackberry and,
>>>> after a few minutes, receives a response.
>>>>
>>>> Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
>>>> miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You
>>>> have
>>>> exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
>>>>
>>>> "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
>>>>
>>>> He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with
>>>> amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
>>>>
>>>> Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
>>>> your
>>>> business is, will you give me back my calf?"
>>>>
>>>> The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
>>>> not?"
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> "You're an aide in the Obama Administration", says Bud.
>>>>
>>>> "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
>>>>
>>>> "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
>>>> though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
>>>> knew, to
>>>> a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
>>>> equipment
>>>> trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a
>>>> thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that
>>>> matter. This is a herd of sheep. ...
>>>>
>>>> Now give me back my dog."
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>
>
>
38
Jokes! / The geography of a woman !!
« on: February 02, 2013, 04:09:02 PM »Between 18 and 22 a woman is like Africa....
half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe,
well-developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain
very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece,
gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all-conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,
has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and readily takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet,
wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past, the wisdom of the ages, an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran,
ruled by a couple of nuts.
39
Jokes! / I have questions !!
« on: February 02, 2013, 03:57:41 PM »
Hello -- I have questions!
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*
Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
If people from Poland are called Poles,
then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks,
so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*
Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
If people from Poland are called Poles,
then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks,
so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
40
Jokes! / Grand Kids !!
« on: February 02, 2013, 03:33:57 PM »
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?".
Without skipping a beat she said, "It's President's Day!".
She's smart, so I asked her "What does President's Day mean?".
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have
4 more years of Bull *bleep*."
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.*
Without skipping a beat she said, "It's President's Day!".
She's smart, so I asked her "What does President's Day mean?".
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have
4 more years of Bull *bleep*."
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.*
43
Off Topic / SUPER Kewl Water Acrobatics !!
« on: November 26, 2012, 03:58:21 PM »
Make sure you have 6 minutes of your time to see it thru. I have never seen anything like this but a jet ski can be easily modified to do this. WOW !! It is called Flyboarding. Also sorry for the bad link before.
45
Movie Review / Promethius !!
« on: November 11, 2012, 05:22:22 PM »
I actually like the movie but it did have alot of filler int he movie esecially after I watched this.