HAHA!! I had to send this one around the fishbowl here at work and I found the email thread that followed even funnier than the original so I thought I would post it, hehe. As with any other email thread you need to start at the bottom and work your way up...
Oh, and names have all been changed to protect the innocent of course.
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From: XIIxOveR
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 1:22 PM
To: Random work guys
Subject: RE: 401k
Not to mention the 7% sales tax we would have to pay.
What if we bought the beer in a NH liquor store during a trip to NH we were already making with the purchase of said beer being nothing more than a quick stop off the Interstate (all state liquor stores are on the Interstate in NH). In this way we don't experience net loss based on travel expenses, taxes, and deposit.
So if $1000 worth of Budweiser at $6.00/6-pack = 1000 beer cans at approximately 13grams of aluminum each for a total of 13 kilograms. At the current price of $2.242/KG we would end up with $29.14 - still a hefty sum compared with Fannie/Freddy but I'll stick with AIG, especially once we factor the costs of anything I break while in drunken blackouts, the cost of missed days at work due to hangovers, the cost of water from flushing the toilet (considering a percentage will end up outside in the bushes and another percentage will end up in my pants when I pass out this number is tough to nail down). Then there are the court costs and fines related to the number of disorderly conducts, DUI/DWI, inappropriately exposing myself to teenage girls and, of course, the resulting divorce.
I'm taking the experts advice on this one and I'm just not going to check in on the status of my 401k so I can follow the "ignorance is bliss" model.
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From: Other Random work guy
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 1:06 PM
To: Random work guys
Subject: RE: 401k
Perhaps the other thing worth mentioning is that when you buy your beer you pay a deposit on the can. That you get back when you return it. So you really aren't helping yourself at all (since it's not included in the price of the beer, though I guess you can calculate it that way if you like).
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From: Random work guy
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 1:04 PM
To: Random work guys
Subject: RE: 401k
Typically you get about 6lbs per thousand beer cans. Current price is ~ $1.25/lb. Lets say it goes up 150% in the next 10 yrs (it's done a little less than that in the last 10). That's $3.125 per lb. * (6 *75%) = $14.0625 (we only have 750, so 75% of 6lbs would be about what we'd have).
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From: XIIxOveR
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 12:52 PM
To: Random work guys
Subject: RE: 401k
Have you looked into the weight of your average aluminum beer can and determined the fair market value of the element itself rather than the gross return based on pre-paid deposit (ie, a growth return of $0 rather than even $35-$40)? You should then determine what the 10-yr average growth pattern is for aluminum and factor that into the algorithm to make sure we're accounting for market fluctuation correctly.
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From: Random work guy
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 12:49 PM
To: Random work guys
Subject: RE: 401k
That's some cheap beer.. I don't even know where you can get beer that cheap.
(a little over 23 cents per 12oz can (or a little under $7 per 30pack). I think most crappy beer 30packs are around $20. For the good stuff you're usually paying about $8+ for a 6 pack.
So for the good stuff, you might end up with $35-40 (125 packs @ $8/pk = $1000. (125 packs * 6 bottles) * $0.05= $37.50)
Now, the other question will be, how much will AIG be worth in 10 years. It could again be worth $1000. Your beer cans are never* going to increase in value.
* barring metal scarcity for making aluminum.
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From: XIIxOveR
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 12:40 PM
To: Random work guys
Subject: 401k
Funny post from a forum I frequent, thought you would all appreciate it!
~~~~~
If you had purchased $1,000 of AIG stock one year ago, you would have $42 left.
With Lehman, you would have $6.60 left.
With Fannie or Freddie, you would have less than $5 left.
But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg
