Well guys, I made a post on boost, now I am going to make one here. As some may know for a long time I have been going through severe knee, lower back and ankle pain. Been seeing a Doc for quite a while now to figure it out. After an MRI of my spine and going to a pain control clinic they did a nerve block in my lower spine (5 needles in each side of the spine injecting something to block the nerves that send pain signals). It didnt work and my Doc had all but given up thinking I was just looking for narcotics. Well in one final attempt I went back and explained that I am not abusing my perscription pain killers, this is a real problem and real pain that prevents me from walking or even standing or sitting for any period of time. I asked him to please do xrays on my knees and see if the problem is there and low and behold it was.
Now instead of re-writing all I wrote on my facebook page I will just sum it up here in a copy and quote from my FB page so you guys know what is going on. Especially if I act differently, such as short temper, unusual sadness and or depression ect, you will know why. And I am going to have a lot of free time shortly to play some more, a lot more.
Please read the following quote from my FB, it is long but those of you who I consider close friends, I ask you to stick it out and read the whole thing. Thanks for reading and on homeshard I need points badly! I cant wear almost any of my gear.
Im not gonna retype the entire report from the Radiologist, no point in typing all the stuff saying joint is normal ect ect, I will just quote the specifics that are worrying me to no end.
"There is a bony density which is rounded and overlies the region of the lateral tibial metaphysis measuring 1.4 cm. In the oblique view this lies adjacent to the lateral tibial mmetaphysis AND head of the fibula."
In english: A mass measuring 1.4 cm is laying in the region of my Tibia and my Fibia (lower leg).
"In a lateral projection there is ANOTHER bony density somewhat discoid shaped which lies in the posterior intercondylar notch region of the FEMUR measuring 2.1 cm in diameter"
In english: A mass measuring 2.1 cm and is more disc shaped is also present on my FEMUR (Upper leg bone)
"Fibular lesion may be an unfused growth center or accessory ossicle that in the posterior knee may represent a fragment from the lateral femoral condyle"
In english: The growth may or may not be attached to the rear of my knee area, could also be a fragment from my knee joint.
"Possible second joint body or unfused growth center at the fibular head lateral tibial plateau region. MRI recommended and consideration for other study. Bony and articular structures otherwise intact. No significant joint effusions"
In English: Could possibly also have a second joint. Also probable that it is a unfused growth (not connected to) the head of my fibula (top of the lower leg bone. They are recommending an MRI to investigate further for the cause of the legions and growths. They also want me for further study (more tests ect). And that architecture of my knee is in tact and no big problems with my knee joint.
Conclusion:
I have two growths in my left knee. One on the top and one on the bottom. I am to have an MRI to further look at these growths. My Mom is remaining calm but I could tell she was holding back after reading the report due to my past of panic disorder and not scare me. The obvious outcome will be either it is just a mass it gets removed and they remove the bone spurs, 6-10 weeks of Physical Therapy. This is a best case. Worst case and what they are actually looking for is cancer. They will do the MRI to see the mass better and will be confirmed with a biopsy that it is bone cancer, likely leg removed, chemo, ect ect. The survival rate of bone cancer is not very high due to it spreading through bone marrow.
So, that is why I have been calling my ex so much to talk to my daughter and not having much luck with that. When you are this terrified all you can really think of is the one you love most and its my daughter. Man I get a great job, now I cant even work because of this. I will say it straight out, if it is cancer and I diddnt have my daughter I would refuse treatment and just say screw it and when it gets so bad just end it. Now I am hoping for a best case scenerio but I am also logical so preparing for the worst.
This fuckin sucks, excuse my language, but outlook is very bleak right now. To think all I ever wanted was to be loved have a family and raise my daughter, be the best Dad and man I can be. Finally after close to two decades with severe panic disorder we get it fixed, its gone, not 8 months later after I am cured, this.
It is taking all the will inside of my soul to not just get blasted drunk. Still in this time of terror and sadness for me, I am still going to stay strong and try to be a good man. And it all goes back to the saying "I see the man I want to be through my Daughters eyes".
*bleep* its hard though.
Anyways for thsoe who care or were wondering thats the story, straight from the Radiology report, quoted word for word.
PS Sorry for the two cuss words TM.
