I think this is the best by far.
When Chuck Norris jumps in the water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised. Here are some others
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the *bleep* he wants.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's *bleep* beef.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take *bleep* from anyone. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
