After taking his seat on a plane, a mild mannered young man was startled to see a parrot strapped in next to him. Choosing to ignore the bird, he asked the flight attendant for a cup of coffee. "And get me a whiskey, now!" the parrot ordered rudely. A few moments later the attendant returned with the whiskey, but no coffee. "Hey, lazy," the parrot cried out after draining his glass, "another whiskey!" Again, the attendant hurried to bring the parrot his drink but forgot the coffee.

Upset at being ignored, the man decided to try the parrots approach. "Hey, you!" he yelled at the attendant. "Coffee now or you'll never work for this airline again!"

A moment later, a burley co-pilot came over, grabbed the man and the parrot and tossed them out of the plane door.

As they plunged downward, the parrot turned to the man and said, "That was really gutsy, mister. Especially for someone who can't fly."

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order Chicken Surprise. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

"Ahh so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."