I am so annoyed right now with cell phone companies.
My daughter is only 8 but I would like to get her a cell phone. Now don't get me wrong or hold it against me; I'm not interested in pushing her to grow up faster or bring on even more of the overwhelming sense of responsibility kids face today at far too young of an age. However, with household schedules growing more and more hectic between girl scouts, dance classes for wife, dance classses for kids, over 30 basketball league for dad, volunteer schedules, fresh air kids, camping, soccer, mentoring, etc, etc it is becoming increasingly obvious that a method of communication made available to my daughter would add in a positive way to my familys quality of life.
Now, with that said, I am not going to get my daughter a cell phone anytime soon and here is why.
For starters, I am not at all pleased with the fact that I want to get her a phone to begin with. It just feels wrong to me. The fact that I'd even consider it makes me feel low, like I've given up or that I have no integrity. I can't tell you how much it makes my stomach turn when I see two teenagers walking down the street together talking on two seperate cell phones rather than to one another. Or, even worse, the sheer number of people I see regularly gabbing away in their car during their commute, in line at the grocery store, in a booth at the local pizza place, even on the treadmill at the gym (yes, right next to me for 45 minutes). Have you ever driven down the street and counted the number of cellphones you see up to people's ears in just a single block? And if the phone isn't there the earbuds from the iPods are!
In this culture of video gaming, blogging, Facebook, Myspace, voice mail, email, self service gas pumps, and self checkout lines at Home Depot we certainly spend an innordinate amount of time, energy, and money not interacting directly with other human beings. In the meantime our society, no... scratch that, the human race is spinning uncontrollably down the toilet. I just erased paragraphs of venting about the dangers of bringing children into this world from this post because I realized I was heading further from my point in posting this rant. Suffice it to say that it is my belief that the ever-growing disconnect between us and our neighbors thus our community thus our world is at large the reason we are dying.
Now, with all of this said I still feel that I could open my mouth, gently suck in the bait, and let the hook sink deeply into my cheek. I can actually see good, positive reasons to have a cell phone for my daughter. Maybe not now, maybe when she's nine or maybe when she's eleven, or 13, who knows. Point is that it's probably going to happen sooner or later. Here is the biggest reason it won't be now, no control. I want a cell service that allows me to block everything. Yes, everything! All incoming calls, all outgoing calls, all incoming text messages, all outgoing text messages, all downloads, all software installations, all picture sending, all picture receiving, all email, all Internet, all everything! Then, I want to be able to enable some things. To start, for my 8 year old, it would be the ability to send and receive calls to and from a very short list of numbers including mom and dad cellphones, home, work, and emergency contacts. Maybe some other family members. Then, if earned by being responsible, slowly add a few friends; perhaps allow more time based on a good report card or another number to call based on a good track record at home.
I have been doing this with firewalls for 13 years. I do it with my daughters Internet connection today. But so far I have not found a single goddamned cell phone company that supports it. I can pay $4.99 per month per phone line for some basic features but they are all limited in that I can only block a small list of numbers; with Verizon you get 20, AT&T it's 15 - they all have a package. What about the other 20 million numbers I want to block? Nevermind why this is a fee I have to pay, why can't I block everything? Why do I have to pay for unsolicited marketing text messages at $.20 a pop? Why is it ok for a company to force me into an unlimited text package just to not receive services?
So, I'm sorry for this rant, I just had to dump it somewhere. Hopefully you don't all think I'm nuts or, if you do, you at least don't hold it against me! I've got to get going, I have to pick up my three year old. Guess what he asked me for the other day? Yeah, if you read this you already know. A three year old! It's a sad, sad state of affairs we are in.
XII
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