Wow Bookwyrm, I'm horribly sorry to hear this. Though I don't know you well, I certainly do know how it feels to loose a loved one (my brother in this case) but surely not the same. Mine, and my family's thoughts are with you and your family, through this, and those to come, times of need, hope and friendship. SUO does not matter, and should not for you in this time. Your place is with your family, as it is with all of ours outside of this place.
Please do what is right, and if you feel the desire to say hi down the road, we'll be here.