My 11 yr old son's teacher...

[Paradise]

My two cents....
Everyone has the right not to be struck, including your son.  If someone just up and hit your child out on the street (aside from getting violent yourself) you would (should) call the cops.  If someone up and hit you on the street, you *should* call the cops.  Your son is smart, and did the right thing by bringing this up to the proper adults.  It sounds as if he did not do anything wrong here, but even if he did, slapping him was not the proper action or punishment on the teacher's part.  If you drop this, what would you be teaching your son?  Everything has consequences, the consequence of this teacher's actions need to be dealt with.  

If it was my kid, I would be blazing mad.  You should call the police and file an assault report.  Then call the school board and demand action be taken against this teacher.  I realize the Dean is involved, but this is bigger than the Dean, the county school board needs to be involved.  She should at the least have to take anger management classes, and if she refuses, perhaps teaching is not the right career for her.  

[UOMaddog]

I deserved every smack I got (and didn't get), but my two cents (or more):

1. Make sure you have all YOUR bases covered (son's not lying, no prior incidents/issues with teacher, etc) so nothing surprising can pop up

2. Lay out the claim for them (them being the school board or whatever) with all your evidence:
- Son was afraid of teacher and therefore acted appropriately by waiting and addressing it with another teacher (student trusts teacher which is good!)
- Witnessed by at least one other student
- Parents were not contacted when student informed them of abuse (and you better believe they would have called you if YOUR son hit the TEACHER)
- Such an emotional teacher (since that was the excuse for not handling in a timely manner) maybe should not be in charge of 26 students (even with aids)
- No precautionary action taken by the district (often a teacher (or student) would be suspended with or without pay until the accusations were resolved unless it could be immediately determined that the accusations were false)

3. Bring all the emails and a timeline of events to any meeting

4. Let them decide the appropriate action, but make your expectations clear (true apology to child, parent, etc. in person not email)

Those are my amateur "legal" opinions
 
My personal opinions:
- A smack is small (in the large scheme of things that COULD happen these days), but teacher's are expected to remain calm even under pressure (think fire drills, shooter in school, etc) and a noisy classroom should NOT be a pressure situation for a teacher
- An email is a cop-out. Accusations such as this should be handled face to face and in a timely manner. Also, the email lays out the exact details of that day but the only thing she DOESNT remember is slapping your son....interesting....*ponders*
- Be proud of your son. He definitely did the right thing by approaching another teacher with the issue and I can imagine he did NOT want to confront the accused teacher for fear or getting smacked again (at least that's how I probably would have felt). I would also compliment the dean for taking it seriously and the teacher who he confided in for not covering up for another teacher and telling your son to drop it.

I worked at a daycare and was in charge of 23 three-year olds with the help of 1 other person. One thing it taught me is patience and letting things roll off you. We had parents whose children made accusations and luckily the parents were responsible, approached us or the director, and usually discovered their kids may not have told the whole story. I never got defensive because I knew I had never done anything wrong and keeping a level head usually shows the parents your ability to control situations that arise. I watch 3 special needs kids for a couple hours each week (one of which has hearing problems, anger management, and ADHD issues). He'll throw ridiculous tantrums that many parents would not be able to handle, but I've never even raised my voice with him. Calmness always prevails. The only thing that can make my blood boil is a roughing the passer/kicker call in football these days!  (My fiance actually gets upset with me because she thinks I remain too calm at times and should get angry more LOL)

Good luck!

[Masscre]

I deserved every smack I got (and didn't get), but my two cents (or more):

1. Make sure you have all YOUR bases covered (son's not lying, no prior incidents/issues with teacher, etc) so nothing surprising can pop up

2. Lay out the claim for them (them being the school board or whatever) with all your evidence:
- Son was afraid of teacher and therefore acted appropriately by waiting and addressing it with another teacher (student trusts teacher which is good!)
- Witnessed by at least one other student
- Parents were not contacted when student informed them of abuse (and you better believe they would have called you if YOUR son hit the TEACHER)
- Such an emotional teacher (since that was the excuse for not handling in a timely manner) maybe should not be in charge of 26 students (even with aids)
- No precautionary action taken by the district (often a teacher (or student) would be suspended with or without pay until the accusations were resolved unless it could be immediately determined that the accusations were false)

3. Bring all the emails and a timeline of events to any meeting

4. Let them decide the appropriate action, but make your expectations clear (true apology to child, parent, etc. in person not email)

Those are my amateur "legal" opinions
 
My personal opinions:
- A smack is small (in the large scheme of things that COULD happen these days), but teacher's are expected to remain calm even under pressure (think fire drills, shooter in school, etc) and a noisy classroom should NOT be a pressure situation for a teacher
- An email is a cop-out. Accusations such as this should be handled face to face and in a timely manner. Also, the email lays out the exact details of that day but the only thing she DOESNT remember is slapping your son....interesting....*ponders*
- Be proud of your son. He definitely did the right thing by approaching another teacher with the issue and I can imagine he did NOT want to confront the accused teacher for fear or getting smacked again (at least that's how I probably would have felt). I would also compliment the dean for taking it seriously and the teacher who he confided in for not covering up for another teacher and telling your son to drop it.

I worked at a daycare and was in charge of 23 three-year olds with the help of 1 other person. One thing it taught me is patience and letting things roll off you. We had parents whose children made accusations and luckily the parents were responsible, approached us or the director, and usually discovered their kids may not have told the whole story. I never got defensive because I knew I had never done anything wrong and keeping a level head usually shows the parents your ability to control situations that arise. I watch 3 special needs kids for a couple hours each week (one of which has hearing problems, anger management, and ADHD issues). He'll throw ridiculous tantrums that many parents would not be able to handle, but I've never even raised my voice with him. Calmness always prevails. The only thing that can make my blood boil is a roughing the passer/kicker call in football these days!  (My fiance actually gets upset with me because she thinks I remain too calm at times and should get angry more LOL)

Good luck!

I  would do as maddog has already suggested and cover all your bases. But everything she just stated in the letter just made me even madder than I would have been before the letter. If all the bases are covered and their is not an ounce of doubt in your mind that she did this. I would have her job on a platter with side of avocadoes anda cheese dip with nachoes and savor teh taste after she is out with all the other people trying to find jobs. Then let her think about ever lifting a hand to another child 1/3 or half her size. she is supposed to be the adult and the parents are always supposed to be right no matter what if you want to keep your job as a teacher. I was married to a teacher for many years and have seen and heard about all the fall out from a teacher with loose hands.

[Endless Night]

I think you need to decide what is your ultimate aim in this situation.  Punish the teacher or punish your son.  That email the teacher sent you was pretty ridiculus.  But at the end of the day a slap is a slap..  I'm pretty certain that will not happen again by any of his teachers.   Personally at this stage I would pass on the email to the dean etc along with a note saying something to the effect even thow you do not find it satificatory  that you are willing to let it go as long as thier is no repeat situations etc etc. I probably would also face to face the teacher and tell her simular.

Good luck with what ever you decide.  And your son is to be congratulated on his composure and his ability to see the correct way to handle a difficult situation.




Ps I just reread that email and I still Carnt believe it .. that should be a lesson .. she was presented with a simple easy way to end a situation and instead of taking it she is more or less proking a continuance.

[Cerveza]

We have a meeting today.

I've been asked many times "What do you want to accomplish"?

I've thought about this a lot. I guess the answer is simply that I want my son to receive a good education. Part of that is this computers class taught by this teacher. I want him to feel comfortable in that classroom and not feel like it's a hostile learning environment.

I never wanted this teacher punished. I don't think we'll be able to move on until she presents a good apology to my son. One that makes him feel comfortable.

[Masscre]

We have a meeting today.

I've been asked many times "What do you want to accomplish"?

I've thought about this a lot. I guess the answer is simply that I want my son to receive a good education. Part of that is this computers class taught by this teacher. I want him to feel comfortable in that classroom and not feel like it's a hostile learning environment.

I never wanted this teacher punished. I don't think we'll be able to move on until she presents a good apology to my son. One that makes him feel comfortable.

Amen and well said. My anger gets me fired up but after I have time to think a situation through. I normally calm down. Very good way to look at it all. But I know there is always a but, That teacher needs to climb down off her high horse and either except what she did or some how work it out with your son.

[Cerveza]

Well... little more to this.

I am still not sure how this will go down, or how the school will react. A co-worker mentioned that there is a liaison whose job is to deal with issues from surrounding schools and the US Air Force Base here. Turns out that being x-mil and working on the base allow me access to this persons resources.

I called for her opinion on what course of action I should take. She will be attending the meeting with us.

There's a second issue, besides the teacher striking my son. That is the lack of action by the Principal of my son's school. Even an accusation of a teacher striking a student should warrant calling the parent!

That attitude by the Principal leads me to believe that the school wants to try to sweep this away, which I wouldn't mind except the teacher's attitude just pisses me off.

I've taught my son that when he makes a mistake to admit to it, apologize, and deal with the consequences of it. If this teacher would have done that, then this would all be finished.

[Cerveza]

Meeting results. Teacher will not ever admit to striking my son, period.

Superintendent, Principal, Dean of Students all in attendance. The teacher involved, another teacher taking notes with her (Teacher Union representative? they never explained her role). My wife and myself and the Base liaison.

Meeting began with the Superintendent allowing the teacher to explain her side. That began with a 2 minute delay while she blubbered away, unable to speak. Then she just repeated what was in the email, the class was unruly... etc... She says she doesn't remember striking my son and can't believe that she would have done it.

After she was done I said that we had hoped to get a good apology, but I could see that isn't going to happen. I told the faculty members "You have a teacher accused of striking a student and that's something YOU have to deal with".

I said "I've thought about this a lot over the weekend, trying to decide what exactly I want to accomplish from all this. What I want is for my son to receive a good education and feel comfortable in the class room, including computers".

They asked me how I thought we could achieve this. That's when my wife chimed in. "No. We don't need to tell you how this is going to happen, YOU need to tell us what your going to do to make our son comfortable".

The Superintendent recommended putting another adult into the classroom for a few weeks to make sure that my son is treated fairly, and to make him feel more comfortable in class. The adult will be in the room when my son is till the 17th of Dec (break) and we'll decide if we thing it's necessary after that.

It will be a social worker employed by the school. Young girl, maybe 23-24, but really nice. She knows my son already from the "Bully Class" she teaches.

And that's where we are at.

I told them a couple of times, once in the meeting and once after the teacher was excused, that I am not out to hang anyone. Dealing with a teacher striking a student was THEIR issue to deal with. I just want my son to be comfortable in class.

A few notes: The teacher not only refused to admit doing it, she wanted to bring in another adult who was in the classroom at the time to ask her what she saw. The Superintendent told her a couple of times "We are not bringing in anyone else". The Dean even said to her "If we bring in Mrs. XXXX (the other adult, she teaches the Special Ed in the same classroom at the same time as computers) then we'll need to bring in the students as well". The teacher said "well that's just students word against adults".

The feel I got was that they all know she did this, but they are unwilling to push it too much. Even the other teacher in the meeting who was taking notes (Union Rep?) often held her notepad over her mouth and whispered to this teacher several times. I could distinctly hear her say "SHUT UP" more then once.

After the meeting and the teacher was excused the Principal came to me and apologized for not contacting me right away. He felt the issue had been resolved but sees now that he should have gotten me involved right away, and taken a more active role in this from the beginning. I appreciated this. That was one of the main issues I had with the whole thing.

The faculity commended my son on his actions stating that he did exactly what he was supposed to do. The commended us on our actions, again stating that we had taken appropriate actions and been very level headed and diplomatic through the entire thing.

I'm encouraged by the feel I got. Again, I'm not out to hang this teacher, that's for the school to deal with. I hope my son will feel comfortable enough to attend her class without the social worker there, but I know that the teacher-student bond is gone forever.

My son said it best when we were driving home. I told him that she will never admit to striking him. He said "Dad, she's a coward".

[Masscre]

They asked me how I thought we could achieve this. That's when my wife chimed in. "No. We don't need to tell you how this is going to happen, YOU need to tell us what your going to do to make our son comfortable".

Amen on moms part there. It is their job to make things right and that was the right answer.

My son said it best when we were driving home. I told him that she will never admit to striking him. He said "Dad, she's a coward".

Some where along the line in her life no one taught her how to be an adult and own up to our own mistakes. My hat off to you cerveza for raising your son to the point where he knows this and can recognize it.

[Scrripty]

You tell your boy I agree.   There's something to be said for owning up to your mistakes.  I got out of some fairly bad trouble once as a kid when I walked into court without an attourney (which I don't recommend) and told a judge that I was guilty, with extenuating circumstances, but that I know what I did was wrong, and would leave it in his capable hands to decide my fate.   I got nearly completely out of trouble. heh  I was lucky.

[Cerveza]

I've always told my son that part of being a man is admitting to your mistakes, dealing with the consequences and learning from it. And that no matter what happens in his life - I will always be there to help him with that.

He's shown he's more responsible and perhaps more mature then this teacher. Not bad for an 11 yr old.

Very proud of how he's handled all of this.

[UOMaddog]

Commendations again for your son! You better get him some extra presents for Christmas, if not, I'll send him an old UO acct and get him addicted! (I'm not sure if that's a present or a punishment, but oh well)

I'm glad to see the principal stepped up and acknowledge that he thought it was resolved but now realizes that a little more should have been done just to be safe (and hopefully will be done in the future if anything similar happens to anyone).

Teacher probably thinks she's saving face and not realizing she's actually face planting. Any comments on her record about even so much as an accusation of abuse could grossly affect any future teaching positions, promotions, etc. Her loss though!

Glad everything worked out (and the social worker in the classroom will probably work out great...I've known/dealt with many at the daycare and most are exellently trained)

[Cerveza]

An Corp

Got a surprise phone call this morning. It was the Superintendent from the school. He starts by saying there's no problem with my son... okay then....

He's asking if I would be willing to speak with the school's attorney regarding a disciplinary hearing for this teacher. Depending on how things go along, I may be asked to testify at the hearing in a few weeks.

Seems this teacher has had more "memory lapse strikings" then just with my son.

[Crome969]

An Corp

Got a surprise phone call this morning. It was the Superintendent from the school. He starts by saying there's no problem with my son... okay then....

He's asking if I would be willing to speak with the school's attorney regarding a disciplinary hearing for this teacher. Depending on how things go along, I may be asked to testify at the hearing in a few weeks.

Seems this teacher has had more "memory lapse strikings" then just with my son.

when i read that whole Chat back of this Threads it reminds me of my self many years ago. A Teacher went angry because i hadnt my homework, catched me and slapped me in face and kicked me out of his lessons.
I were really angry and stepped into the schools directory. The teacher later try to cover himself like i would like and he never intendet to slap me,but the whole class told the truth about what happend.That teacher only got a warning. They thought i would be a bad Student and may it was the only way to compare their anger against me.And i were forced to switch the class.
A half year later the Teacher were fired, because he slapped again a student.

Often it really depending on the Parents, if the School councils will interact. And its a shame when this happen because not all Childrens nowadays would tell this their parents.

[Cerveza]

I will gladly report everything that happened to my son, and how the school dealt with it.

One thing about this, when we had "the meeting" I still got the feel that the Principal didn't think it a big deal. Kinda like he either didn't think it happened, or *if* it did happen - it wasn't a big deal.

This pretty much solidifies everything that my son said as 100% truth. I'll always wonder if maybe we should have taken things further when it happened to us... I left it to the school to decide what actions they wanted to take with their teacher. Now I can't help but wonder what else she has done? I don't want to feel responsible for other children being hurt by this teacher.